Alright fratters, I’m getting personal here. One of the hardest things for gay men to navigate is figuring out a guy’s sexuality…
It happens to all of us. You’re in class. You’ve got a crush on the cute guy that smiles and laughs a lot (his cute ass and nice bulge don’t hurt either). You want to pounce on him, but you’re not sure if he’s even gay, bi or curious. Whatever are you to do? I recently had to grapple with this firsthand and I’d like to share my story with you.
Last year, I started class. It was another boring day. I grabbed the syllabus from the professor and then took it to my chair. I stared at the clock over the whiteboard already counting down the minutes for class to end, before it had even started. I slump forward and rest my face on my fist. In walks this fucking hunk. ATTENTION! My body reacted before I could. I sat straight up and my eyes honed in on him like a hawk. He smiled the most devilishly sexy smile to the prof as he grabbed the syllabus. I immediately wanted him to notice me and not see me at all at the same time. He climbed the risers of the classroom; his tight khakis stretched over his handsome thighs and hugged his firm ass. As he made his way up to the row I sat in, he turned. I wanted him to set next to me. Or did I? It was definitely a rush of feelings. He ended up sitting next to a girl he clearly knew. She laughed loudly at something he said. At that moment, I knew they were probably together. Maybe she was his girlfriend. Well, at least I could admire him. A little eye candy is always a plus.
The class ended. I hurried across the riser, ready to get to my next class. Then that stud stood up, just as I was about to pass him, “Oh hi,” he said.
“Hi?” I replied awkwardly, barely able to keep eye contact.
“Aren’t you friends with Chad, Chad Page?”
“Uh, yeah. We used to date,” I said, purposefully outing myself.
“That’s right. He’s a great guy.”
“Yeah, Chad’s fun.”
“I’m Ray,” he said and extended his hand.
“Blake. Nice to meet you.”
“You too. See you around,” Ray said.
“How do I tell if he’s gay? How can you tell if ANYONE is gay? I concluded there was no way to tell…”
He gave a firm handshake that seemed to linger a moment too long. Which seemed odd to me. Wow. Well, that was cool. We had a mutual friend. Maybe I could crowdsource Ray’s sexual orientation! I immediately texted Chad and asked him about Ray. I tried to beat around the bush for a bit and finally asked, if Ray was queer. Chad didn’t know. I spent the better part of my next class on my phone trying to find Ray on social media. He had a private Facebook account and no Twitter handle that I could find. I was stumped.
I spent the next couple of weeks in class scrutinizing Ray; what he wore, what he said, how he spoke, who he spoke to. I’d get hard just looking at him, picturing him naked. It was bordering on obsession, as are most crushes. I stopped going on dates and hooking up with guys, because Ray filled my entire headspace. Blah. I hated. How do I tell if he’s gay? How can you tell if ANYONE is gay? I concluded there was no way to tell. Tight clothes, fit bod, clean cut, loud behavior, over-the-top mannerisms, etc. Are all just stereotypes and tropes. I’d been with enough guys to know that as fact.
I’d just ask him. That’s the only way to tell. I knew it would be inappropriate to do it in class or with anyone around. I wanted the space to be safe for us both. It needed to be public, but not n front of everyone. I invited Ray to a party my (straight) friend was throwing. The conversation went like this:
“Ray, what are you doing the weekend?”
“Hi Blake, nothing really,” Ray replied.
“My friend Sam is throwing a kegger party on Saturday,” I said reeling that he had remembered my name, “Want to come?”
“Yeah, I actually was planning on going already. It’s gonna be a big one,” Ray said with a slight smile.
“Great. I’ll see you there.”
Of course this offered no new clues or insights. It didn’t even leave the possibility for this to be a date. I’d invited him, but he was already going to Sam’s party. Well, at least I knew he’d be there.
Saturday rolled around and you better believe I did my manscaping. On the off chance I’d get the opportunity to take my clothes off with Ray, I wanted to look my best. I shaved and even douched (just in case you’re interested: Ultra Douche). Nothing was going to stop me from getting with Ray if I got the chance. I tapped my toe on the floor of my dorm room. Finally, I waited for it to be a cool hour after the party started before heading to it. I did a smell test and checked my breath. It was going down!
I got to the party and downed two beers as fast as I could. I needed the liquid courage. My heart nearly stopped when I finally say Ray. He was talking with Chad, of all people. I filled my red plastic cup and filled another one to bring over to Ray. ‘You can do this, you can do this, you can do this,” I repeated over and over in my head, my own special gay mantra. I did my best to signal to Chad to leave. I wanted some alone time with Ray. He missed the signal so I made up a little white lie.
“Hey guys,” I said to them.
“Hi Blake, good to see you,” Chad said.
“You too. Chad, Sam’s looking for you. I think he needs your help with ice or something,” I lied.
“I’ll catch you later,” Chad said and stepped away.
“How’s it going?” I asked Ray.
“No complaints,” he replied.
“Oh! I brought you a refill,” I said and handed him the extra cup.
“Thanks man,” he said and took a gulp of it.
“I don’t want to… There’s no easy way for me to ask you this. Do you ever date guys?”
Ray nearly choked on the beer. I saw my life flash in front of my eyes (not really, but I was really embarrassed). Ray wiped his mouth and chin dry and then looked at me with a smile.
“I’m straight. But, I’m really flattered.”
I laughed. I didn’t know what else to do. I must have turned fifty shades of red. I knew my douching had been in vain. I wanted to just turn and walk away.
“That has actually happened to me a couple of times. I think I put off a vibe. But, it always makes me feel good. So thanks,” Ray joked.
“You never can tell. Just thought I’d ask…”
Ray and I talked for the rest of the party. It was fun. I made a friend (albeit a straight one). I ended up going home with Chad that night (douching NOT in vain).
See also: Some Rules On Gay College and Gay Flirting Tips
How to tell if he’s gay? Is one of the most googled questions. I see why. The answer is there is no true “tell.” You have to put yourself out there and ask…
If you find the courage to do it, I think you should. Just make sure you’re in a safe space. Some guys aren’t comfortable in their masculinity and might lash out. You might make a new friend or have the best sex of your life. Who knows? But, the only way you’ll be able to find out is to ask. Even if his profile says “Straight” or “Interested in Women” you should always ask. You might change a life 🙂
“image is a copyrighted photo of model(s)”
The truth of the matter is that finding a boyfriend can be difficult. However, finding a gay boyfriend can be even more difficult.
That’s right, this article is for all those guys out there who have gone on dates with guys who say they are gay, but then realize six months into the relationship that they like pussy a little more than dick. It sucks, and no it doesn’t suck dick, if you get what I mean. This is especially the case in college. It’s like you have to turn over rocks to find a gay bf – mostly because a lot of them are not out of the closet, completely. Plus, if you keep telling yourself “I need a gay boyfriend,” it’s not going to happen, because you don’t want to be desperate.
See also: 5 Stages Of A Gay Relationship
Here is how to find a gay boyfriend, and not a boyfriend that pretends to be gay…
Don’t Act Too Desperate
When you are looking for a gay BF, you want to be sure not to sound too desperate. This is critically important, because desperation is not attractive. You don’t want to say, “I need a gay boyfriend” – you want to say, “I want a gay boyfriend.” This is especially the case if you are looking for a quality relationship that will last. This is also really important to do when you are on a date. A truly great guy will be able to smell desperation from a mile away.
Open Your Heart, But Not Too Wide
Just like you don’t want to be too desperate, you also don’t want to open up right away. Of course, you should be open and you should be honest, but you don’t want to seem too vulnerable. Vulnerability can seem like a weakness if you show it off right away. Of course, later on you can show your vulnerability, but you want to be careful in beginning – at least until you have established a relationship. After that, vulnerability can be really sexy.
Know What You Want
When it comes to getting a really great boyfriend, you need to know what you want. You don’t need a checklist or anything, but you should have a general idea. For instance, if you are looking for a stable guy, you want to find someone with a solid history and someone with ambition. You shouldn’t be having sex with the stoner; you should find the guy that chose his major the first week that he got to college. If you want a guy that likes to spend time and be close with his family, you should ask questions about his relationship with his family. The list really could go on, so you should be prepared to brainstorm and then check these things off your mental list.
Know What You Don’t Want
Just like it is important to know what you do want, you also want to know what you don’t want. If you don’t want a true commitment right away, you should be honest. The last thing you want is to dive headfirst when looking for a gay relationship and then realize that you feel sort of stuck inside of it. Also, if you don’t want a guy that smokes pot, or likes to go out all night, you want to be honest about that too. Not everyone is a homebody, so you may be doing some searching. But who ever said that finding a gay boyfriend is easy?
Let It Happen Naturally
Of course, if you want to truly find a gay boyfriend – someone that will be true to you – you want to let things take a natural course. This means that you may have to go on multiple dates. The truth of the matter is that if you want to find a gay boyfriend and not just a one night stand, you want to look for someone that can be a friend. During your dates, you really want to ask a lot of questions. By the time you have sex, you should feel like you know the person. If you are looking for a partner, you don’t want to wake up and feel gross after having sex – you want to feel like you learned something new. The key here is to not let lust get in the way, because lust is what will get you in the most trouble.
Go Where The Gays Are
Of course, you also have to go where the gays are if you want to find a true gay boyfriend. Usually, you can go to the lesbian and gay alliance group on your campus, or you can do it the old fashion way: find a gay bar or café near your campus. It is actually really easy to find a gay club, you just have to ask around, or look it up on the internet. Another way to find a gay boyfriend is to download an app. Right now, there are a lot of apps for guys looking to hook up and get serious. You just have to read through the profiles. If the profile says that the guy is looking for something casual or temporary, you want to move on. You certainly don’t want to be swayed just because the guy is hot.
“image is a copyrighted photo of model(s)”
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Slurp! Slop! Gargle, Drool! You might think these words are being used to describe something a bit more “adult” but I’m going to use them for the topic of this article… Kissing. If you want to kiss a gay guy there are a few things you need to know and I’m here to explain it all to you!
Throughout this article I’m going to go over all the different elements associated with kissing a gay guy (whether you’re a dude who likes dudes or a girl who likes dudes who like dudes). I’m going to break it down into sections so you don’t kiss this article goodbye and read something else.
Let’s be honest, bad breath is a major turnoff! If you’re with someone who opens their mouth and it smells like rotting garbage you’re probably going to want to run for the hills. Think of it this way, if you wouldn’t kiss someone with bad breath then why would you expect someone to kiss you if you have stinky breath? I brush my teeth twice a day (once in the morning and once before bed) to stave off bad breath and nasty tooth diseases. Now I shouldn’t have to tell you how to brush your teeth (your mom should have done that), but if you were raised by wolves or in a country where toothbrushes are considered uncool let me break it down for you. Get a toothbrush with either soft or medium bristles (personal preference), toothpaste with fluoride (to prevent cavities) and use them every day.
See also: He Is Going To Kiss You
You’ll want to brush your teeth twice a day to prevent issues for at least 3 minutes (jam out to your favorite Nicki Minaj song to pass the time). After brushing you’ll want to use dental floss to clean and protect your gums. Flossing slows the rate of your gums receding and prevents you from having giant horse teeth at an early age. I also use mouthwash after each brushing to kill all the germs and bacteria in your mouth. If you suffer from halitosis (stinky breath problems) you’ll want to see your dentist and have them check it out. They’ll offer suggestions and (potentially) medical treatment for the issue.
If you’re looking for a natural way to freshen your breath, a lot of celebrities swear by oil pulling. The process involves gargling coconut oil for 10-20 minutes a day to remove all toxins and bacteria from your mouth. This isn’t to replace your daily dental care routine (don’t skip brushing) but to supplement the process. I’ve actually tried this process for a couple weeks and can honestly say it does help to keep your breath fresh and slightly tropical. It gets a bit gross after about 5 minutes but you get used to it.
Kissing a gay guy requires excellent oral hygiene and along with brushing, flossing and (possibly) oil pulling you could probably carry gum or mints to use before making out with a sexy gay guy.
Know the Situation
Something to definitely consider before kissing a gay guy is the situation. Are you getting hot and heavy? Are you playfully kissing under the mistletoe? Are you playing spin the bottle (a truly underappreciated game)? You have to know what’s going on before you start kissing a gay. If you’re in a playful situation then don’t get too excited or passionate. If you’re hot and heavy then be like the Olympics and go for gold.
See also: Gay Sex: Getting Started
First Gay Kiss
So you see a hot guy, he sees you and smiles! You make small talk and the situation is perfect for you to kiss him! Oh wait, there’s a bit of an issue… You’ve never kissed a gay guy before. Don’t worry my friend, it’s pretty simple! Kissing a gay guy is super easy but certain things need to be remembered as to not turn off a guy or potentially cause issues. There are a few rules that I think everyone should follow (whether you’re kissing a gay guy, a girl or anything in between). These rules apply to anyone who will kiss a gay guy at any time so here goes…
Whether you’re a seasoned pro at kissing or a newcomer to the gay tongue hockey team I recommend that you start slow. You’ll want to be gentle and start by kissing with your lips together (do your best Kylie Jenner duck face) and never force yourself on anyone. Always approach the other person slowly, otherwise you might knock into them (that would be hilarious but pretty unpleasant). If you’re nervous, I would suggest closing your eyes until you get more comfortable. Making direct eye contact with someone you’re kissing can be incredibly awkward and uncomfortable so I suggest closing your eyes and proceeding from there. Gentle kisses are always nice and great for everyone.
Alright so your gentle kissing is going well and the guy starts rubbing your back and getting into it. The next step in kissing is to get more intimate. So many times people get sloppy and wiggle their tongue around like a worm. I can honestly say that if I was making out with a guy and he jammed his tongue down my throat I would be majorly turned off! If you want to use your tongue, that’s fine but I recommend being mindful of the other person. If they’re keeping their tongue in their mouth and don’t seem to be into it, don’t push it. If they’re adventurous and exploring your mouth more than a dentist after Halloween then I would get into it and play tongue hockey. Just remember that kissing is a two person job and you never want to be off-putting to the other person. The one thing I would suggest when it comes to using your tongue is to not let it get lazy and sloppy. If you’re using your tongue try to keep it relatively muscular and firm, otherwise you might come off as a guy with a sloppy cow tongue.
Teeth are a wonderful thing! They help us chew food and smile! I have a huge issue when gay men kissing use their teeth too much. Gentle nibbling on the lips is okay for some people but test the water before jumping right into that. You’ll want to be very gentle and be mindful not to hurt the other person. I would highly suggest that you don’t ever nibble on the other guy’s tongue. This can be painful, unpleasant and a huge turnoff for certain guys.
You’re getting hot and heavy and things are going well. What do you do with your hands? Do they fall to your sides like a ragdoll? Do you grab the back of the guy’s head? Well as a general rule I suggest having your hands behind the other guy’s back and use them to hug him. Other places to place your hands include; touching their face (if you two are really comfortable with each other), tied behind your back (50 shades of “Hayyy”), holding the back of their head (again, only if you’re both comfortable) or holding hands with the other person. It all depends on the situation and how well you know the person. I wouldn’t ever suggest letting a stranger tie your hands behind your back but the other positions are okay to do with newly acquired friends.
Gay men kissing would make an excellent social experiment. We live in a modern society where in Canada and the United States gay marriage is legal and becoming increasingly accepted. I say, if you’re into the guy and he’s into you then kiss and let the world go on with their business. Haters are going to hate either way so you might as well enjoy yourself right? If you ever feel uncomfortable with kissing a gay guy in public then by all means save that for at home. I think the same rules apply for everyone, a little PDA (personal display of affection) is okay but I don’t need to see you basically having sex at the club. Keep it light and fun in public and save the freaky stuff for the bedroom (or kitchen, bathroom, garage, patio… wherever).
See also: Whorelando
Enjoy the Experience
When it really comes down to it, kissing is fun! Kissing is a way to express affection, desire and romance! Go with the flow and whatever happens try to enjoy it. If you’re not enjoying the experience you have every right to stop it and go on with your business. If someone ever forces themselves on you with kissing and won’t stop give them a good pop in the face and leave (I don’t agree with violence of any kind but if it means protecting yourself then do what you need to. I wouldn’t ever hit a girl though… That’s really not cool!). Practice makes perfect so go out there, kiss plenty of gay guys, girls and all other people, learn and enjoy.
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