Car Sex

Sex is fucking great. Sex is great in a hot tub, sex is great on a couch, bed, plane, park bench, and even in the car. However, when it comes to sex in the car, there are a few things to keep in mind. Things that will keep you from hitting your head on the ceiling, things that will keep you from backing your ass into the horn, and things that will keep you from cumming on the nice leather.

It is optimal when you are going to have sex in the car to come prepared. Lets face it, if you are horny enough to do it in a metal box, lined with windows, then you are not going to want to have to run to the gas station to buy condoms and a rag.

Read related article: To Swallow or Not to Swallow

If you are the owner of this car, it is of the utmost importance to clean out the car as thoroughly as possible.

I will illustrate my point with a story.

His name was Jake something or other, last names at this point honestly didn’t matter. We had just sat through a two-hour movie, him holding my hard dick, and me holding his.

So as you can imagine, two hours left us being shy of breeding bunnies. If it wasn’t for the lack of unisex bathrooms, I likely would have left the theatre 10 times sweatier, stickier, and satisfied than I did.

However, as reality had it, we left in a horny-trance, looking for anything shy of a dense bush to fuck behind. We were no longer logical human beings; we had transitioned into animals- animals in heat.

He hardly could even finish the question, ‘Car?’ before I was nodding and in a half sprint toward the dense parking lot.

He was a muscle bear and struggled to keep up with my swift twink-like stride, however the sexual adrenaline mixed with (what I am imagining was) steroids didn’t keep him too far behind.

We climbed into his truck and decided that we would pull along back of the movie theatre where nobody would be parked before stripping down and getting down.

His cock was so visibly attempting to liberate itself from the captive clutches of his denim jeans. It was porn perfect.

We parked in the most isolated part possible and within seconds were completely naked. Both our dicks were shy of popping.

I, being the bottom I am, climbed over the center council, as he reclined his seat. I was just about going in for a landing on his rod when I was stabbed.

“MOTHER FUCKING FUCK SHIT!” (I know, I have a way with words, some call me a poet)

I had been stabbed in the thigh. Reaching down for the weapon, I realized that this was not a knife or sword, but instead a 6 month old cheese-it that has with age, sharpened up, and hardened to a comparable composite of a diamond.

It actually punctured my skin, and blood lightly spotted in the line it brushed against me. My boner was lost, it was simply not going to happen.

It wasn’t my first time at the ‘car-sex’ rodeo, however, it was my first time being injured during sex by one of my favorite snack foods.

A clean car is vital when it comes to sex, and more importantly, sex-proofing you car.

Like baby-proofing, the sexual environment should be sex-proofed. This includes, but is not exclusive to removing all potential weapons from sight, removing anything with a noxious odor, as well as removing spill-able or upset-able objects from the range of sex.

This, along with personal hygiene, will make sex much more enjoyable, and substantially reduce the potential for failure.

In a car, it is important to remember that you are confined to a very limited space; so removing anything that takes up any usable space is obviously a good idea. This includes everything that is not vital to the event, dirty laundry, shopping bags, old receipts, and last weeks McDonalds bags must go.

Many choose to relocate to the back seat if the center console becomes an impediment to the activity, and with this, it is a good idea to have a sheet laid in the back to avoid cum-related cleanup, or stains.

Read related article: Should You Bang On A First Date?

If the front is acceptable, and you are trying to be incognito about the dirty little act, it would be wise to back the seat as far back to avoid sounding the horn with every thrust.

My last car tip would have to be to remember that the AC and defroster are a very useful tool in hiding. However, it is important to be smart when using these tools. You may not want a steamy car, however you most certainly will not want a dead-battery. So when using the AC/defroster to un-steam, or cool down some hot sex, it is important to occasionally crank the engine depending on how long the performance is.

Sex is great. Sex in a car is great. However, sex in the car holds potentially one of the highest risks for failure of all the locations you may come to choose. So be smart when anticipating the possibility of such an occurrence, this includes having lube, condoms, towels, and a clean car. All of which will fluently transform your car into a love wagon.

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