The Various Ways To Use Gay Sex Lube

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Gay sex lube – what is it and how can you incorporate into your next sexual escapade? Well, gay lube is simply a lubricating gel that makes sex and masturbation more enjoyable – it also makes anal sex a lot more tolerable. Have you seen how big some of those dildos can get? – You need a lot of lube to get one of those even close to my back door.

Read related article: Gay Sex Lubes

In this article, I am going to talk about some of the more common gay sex lubes and how you can use them in the bedroom…

Boy Butter
Boy Butter

First, let’s talk a little bit about some jack off lubes. Jack off lubes are unique because they are made with specialized oils. Basically, they are oil based, which gives you a much more slippery experience. Basically, they make receiving and giving a hand job a thousand times more erotic. Any time you give your boy toy a hand job, I recommend using one of these delicious jack off lubes – my favorite is the Boy Butter; it’s simple, classic and really gets the job done.

You may be wondering why you can’t use oil based gay sex lube for erotic toys and other sexual instruments of pleasure. The reasoning behind this is that many of the sex toys on the market are made with silicone, so when you mix oil and silicone together, you get a gross combination. In some cases, the silicone of the sex toy will actually erode. Not only can oil based lubes ruin your sex toys, but it can also ruin your condoms – there is a good chance that whatever boy toy you have in bed will be running for the door if that happens.

Colt Slick
Colt Slick

So, what gay lubes work the best with sex toys? My favorite type of sex lube for playing with toys is water based lube. The reason why I love using water based lube for erotic toys is because it is easy to clean up. Water based lube is water based, which means that you can rinse it off your hands and the sex toy with just a little soap and water. You don’t have to worry about throwing the toy out because it’s so gross. One of my favorite types of water based gay sex lube is the Colt Slick – I use this almost exclusively for my sex toy experiences.

I-D Millennium Lube
I-D Millennium Lube

Now on to the fun stuff: anal penetration! You may be wondering what type of lube I use for anal penetration. Well, I mainly stick to silicone lubricant. Silicone is unique because it’s a cross between oil based and water based, but you can still use it with a condom. In fact, I love using silicone based gay sex lube with a condom because I really like to ride my man in bed and I need a sex lube that won’t dry out. Out of all the silicon gay sex lubes, my favorite has to be the I-D Millennium, because it was formulated to never dry out.

Sometimes, though, I like to use another type of gay lube when I’m having sex and that is a specially formulated lubricant that heats up when you use it. Just take Doc Johnson’s Hot Cinnamon Lube – it was made to warm up when you insert it, which give a little tingling sensation on the prostate that feels amazing. Plus, this stuff is water based, so you can literally slab it on anything. My favorite, though, is using it for pure erotic anal sex.

Read related article: Gay Gears and Pumps

As you can see, there are a lot of gay sex lubes out there. When it comes down to it, you can use these gay lubes in a million different ways. All you have to remember, though, is that oil based lubes should be used mainly for hand jobs and non-sex toy, non-anal sex experiences, whatever they may be. When you are using toys, I recommend going for a water based lube, because they offer easy clean up and they won’t mess up your sex toys. As for anal sex, I like to go with silicone, because silicone lube will make you last all night.

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Older Gay Men vs. Young Gay Men

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This is a college frat website, so a majority of the readers are young gay men. However, I have been noticing that a lot of older gay men have been checking out the site too – probably to look at all the fine young men talking about sex. It’s true, sometimes I get a little horny just writing this stuff. Because of this, I thought it would be fun to write an article about some of the differences between young gay men and older gay men. This is important, because in the world of gay dating, there have been a lot of situations where a younger gay man will fall for an older man’s charms.

Read related article: Why Dating Older Guys Can Be Better Than Dating Younger Guys

Is it the money? Is it the experience? What do gay men have that younger gay men don’t have?

I once dated an older gay man and I was surprised to learn wasn’t experienced at all. In fact, I realized that I was more experienced sexually than he was. He was so inexperienced that I had to show him the basics of going down on a guy. Anal sex was a chore, because he didn’t even know if he was a top or bottom. This curious predicament went against everything I knew about older gay men.

Was he a virgin? Was he in the closet for so long that he just didn’t know what he was doing? What I have found in some of my research is that older gay men are more inexperienced because they come from a different generation. This is especially the case for some silver haired foxes – these older gay men were gay in an era where you could lose your job if you flicked your wrist the wrong way. A lot of younger gay men are more experienced, because more tolerance has basically given them a head start. You can definitely put me in this demographic.

So, what was up with this older gay man that I was dating? What I learned is that he was actually married and he never really came out of the closet. In fact, he had never had gay sex before. It explained why he would look at my cock like it was some complicated tool he had to figure out. Also, anal sex was tortuous for him and me, because he really didn’t know what he was doing. Now this guy is fully embracing the fact that he is gay and he still lives with his wife, but only because they are used to it and she supports him. We still fuck on occasion.

Another really big difference between younger gay men and older gay men is that older gay men have their shit together…

They have a solid job and they are making that scratch in a serious way. It’s like when you hit forty-five, you immediately have a job with a salary. Plus, a lot of older gay men are more experienced. They have been around the block a few times, in more ways than one, so you can expect that sex will be a lot hotter.

Read related article: Gay Sex Stories

In the end, dating older gay men can be fun, but you have to know what you are getting yourself into. You don’t want to hook up with an older guy just because he has money – you want to hook up with him because you like him. It’s true that older gay guys have a certain confidence that makes them really hot, so if you do get into a relationship with an older guy just for the sex, make sure that the feeling is mutual. Remember: older gay men still have feelings.

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Gay Hookups Dos and Don’ts

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In the world of gay hookups, there are some definitive dos and don’ts. Of course, this article is for all those guys out there that are on the serious dating scene and are hooking up on a nightly basis. Don’t worry, no one is judging – there is a good chance that you are on a path to exploring who you are sexually. The only thing is that you need to play your cards right – if you don’t, not only can you go home empty handed, but you may start to develop a reputation. The last thing you want is to poison your own well.

Read related article: Best Gay Sex Toys

Here are some basic gay hookup dos and don’ts…

Don’t come off like a jerk and pretend like you are someone else. This is a gay hookup cardinal sin. If you act like you are all that and just can’t walk the walk, it will be embarrassing for you. Also, don’t make things up, lie or exaggerate. Not one person likes a guy who exaggerates and lies – people can see right through you.

Do be yourself. When it comes to gay hookups, you always want to be yourself. If you are quirky, be quirky. If you have a weird talent, you should show that talent off. Many gay guys don’t realize that being themselves – no matter how awkward and weird – is actually a turn on.

Don’t set your sights too high. Another important gay hook up don’t is to not have lofty expectations. You know when you get really hungry and all you want is something juicy and delicious to eat – you create this meal in your mind and you convince yourself that it is going to be the greatest thing you ever tasted – but then you go the restaurant and the meal is just sort of eh, whatever. Well, this is what it is sort of like with gay hook ups – you just have to go with the flow and not build it up too much in your mind.

Do have a great time. Too many guys go into a gay hook up scenario with the idea that they will have a bad time – kind of like the opposite of setting your sights and expectations too high. This is why you want to focus on having a good time. It’s easy to be negative, so you have to work hard at having a great time – you may even want to pretend. Eventually you will convince yourself. If the date is bad, at least you had fun and didn’t waste your time.

Don’t be shy about what you want. It’s not cute to be shy about what you want. Gay hook ups are way more fun when a guy knows exactly what he wants and knows how to get it. Open communication will be important, because it will let your date know how you expect to be treated and you will earn more respect.

Do be open. There is a good chance that you will be in a situation where a guy will be telling you what he likes in bed. It is gay hookup 101 to listen and to be open to everything he has to say. If you cut him off in the middle of saying something you think is out of control, you will look close-minded and the entire mood will be ruined. If he does say something you don’t like, you should talk about it and find someplace to meet in the middle. There is a chance you might like it.

Read related article: The Best Gay Sex Positions

In the end, gay hook ups can be fun, but only if you work your hardest to avoid all the above don’ts. If you stick to the dos, a gay hook up can be an amazing, strange experience that you’ll wake up and appreciate. Even if the gay hook up is a one night stand, at least you can tell yourself that you tried. Sure, some guys can be jerks, but for every jerk, there is an amazing guy who will be great in bed, which will make the whole journey worth it!

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Things You Need To Know About Gay Bondage Sex

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A lot of people are confused about gay bondage. They think gay bondage sex is perverted, weird or satanic. Well, the truth is that bondage sex can actually be really fun. Sometimes, it can be nice to get tied down, blindfolded and fucked into submission. The whole idea surrounding gay bondage is submission, domination and release – it is like playing an erotic game, which makes it a really fun way to spice things up in the bedroom. If you have been with your man for a long time and things are getting a little boring in the bedroom, you may want to try out a little bondage sex.

Read related article: Best Gay Sex Toys

Here are some things you need to know about gay bondage sex…

First, you want to find out if you are more dominant or submissive. This will help you discover your roles. If you are more submissive, you are going to have fun and you won’t really get turned on in a dominant role. The same goes, if you are a more dominant person. So, find out where you stand and what your role is. You can talk with your partner about it or you can start playing around in the bedroom to find out where you fit in.

To start playing around in the bedroom, you are going to need some hot tools. Gay bondage sex is all about having some instruments of erotic pleasure on hand. For instance, you’ll need a whip and you’ll need a blindfold. Those are the two essentials. You can even go for the Sex and Mischief Restraint Kit, which comes with two ankle and wrist cuffs, a collar, a leash and a blindfold. Once you have some tools on hand, you can start experimenting. Through this experimentation, you will find out if you like to dominate or if you like to be the one tied to the bed, blindfolded and whipped.

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Next, you need to have a safe word. In fact, safety is critical for any sexual scenario, but when it comes to gay bondage, you want to be extra careful. You don’t want anyone to feel like they are trapped. You also don’t want anyone to feel like they doing anything against their will. So, be sure to have a safe word – it can be anything. Your safe word will be like a key. Once you say the safe word, your partner will unhook you and you’ll be able to take a break. When you first practice with bondage sex, you may get a little claustrophobic or anxious – and that is perfectly fine.

As the dominant one, you need to know how important your role is in a gay bondage scenario. If you have someone tied to the bed, cuffed and blindfolded, you have a lot of power, so you want to be respectful and not abuse that power. Basically, you have the power to unhook someone when that person says the agreed upon safe word, so you don’t want to wait or mess around. Basically, the submissive one really has no power in certain situations, so it is up to you to make that person to feel safe. When it comes to gay bondage sex, trust is incredibly important.

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Also, if you want to take the whole gay bondage sex thing up a few notches, you may want to practice with some true bondage gear. For instance, you can play around with a leather mask for some extreme bondage fun.  You could also go for the Shock Therapy Electro Sex kit, which offers little electrical pulses to really tease and titillate. You can also try the Colt Stallion Tail Butt Plug, which is a butt plug that comes equipped with a long horses tail, so you can really play around in the bedroom – nothing wrong with a little role-playing.

Read related article: How A Sex Sling Changed My Life

Lastly, gay bondage sex can be a really fun way to make your bedroom fantasies really come to life. It is also a great way to spice up your bedroom activities with your partner. When it comes down to it, bondage sex doesn’t need to be as extreme as popular culture makes it out to be. You can very easily start slow and then work your way up to the more extreme stuff. In the end, as long you have a safe word, you’ll have an incredibly fun time. Where’s the fun in sex if you can’t get a little dangerous sometimes?

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Guide to Gay Threesomes

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A gay threesome is a little bit like a cocktail. You have the vermouth or tonic, you have the bitters or aromatics and then you have the liquor – be it vodka, rum, whiskey or bourbon. If you add the wrong ingredient or not enough of one ingredient, the whole thing will either make you want to vomit or you’ll have a great cocktail. It’s one of those “either or” situations. A gay threesome can sort of be like that. So, if you have been dreaming of gay threesomes lately, you need to know where to start, how to set one up and what to do when you are in the middle of one. A gay threesome is not something you can just throw together.

Read related article: Gay Sex Stories

Here is your guide to gay threesomes…

The very first thing you need to know about gay threesomes is that there are some physics involved. Just think about it: some guys are bottoms and some guys are tops. What happens if you are in a situation where you have three bottoms? It’s an unlikely situation, but it can be pretty damn if you don’t have any sex toys on hand so everyone can get off. If you really want to make it work, though, you’ll need at least one bottom – or else the whole gay threesome will be a wreck. So, keep this in mind the next time you find yourself find yourself naked in bed with three hot guys.

Now, what happens if you don’t plan the threesome? Yes, gay threesomes can be unplanned. Imagine being out one night with a guy that you aren’t that serious with – then you meet another guy. Then you all start dancing and then kissing and then you are all so horny that you ready to get it on in the bathroom. If you are in this situation, you will need a bedroom stat. Ideally, you want to head back to your house. This is where you can have the most control. You can also tell the guys to leave if things get weird. You don’t want to be trapped in some other guy’s house, especially if you start to get that ax murderer vibe.

gay threesomes, gay threesome

Okay, so if you find yourself at a club or out at a party and you meet two other guys – what happens if they ask you to go their house? First, you have to know for sure that they are kosher – and I don’t be circumcised. You don’t want to go back to some guy’s dirty drug den. If the guys seem cool and not like total psychos – you can probably be confident in knowing that you will have a good time. If you get a bad vibe, you want to find a way to politely leave the conversation. A gay threesome can be terrible if you don’t really want to be doing it.

Next, once you are actually in bed with two guys, you want to start things slow. You don’t want to rush into a gay threesome. Ideally, you want to let it simmer and then steam. You don’t want the water to boil right away. This is especially the case if you don’t really know the guys you are in bed with. So, be sure to fool around, get sufficiently turned on, suck each other off, and play with some toys – butt plugs can be really fun to use during foreplay.

And finally, when you are finally ready to go for it, you want to be sure to let it happen naturally. You don’t want to force yourself into any scenario or position where you are uncomfortable. Gay threesomes should not be uncomfortable. Ideally, you want to let things take their course. If he grabs your cock – maybe you should spin him around and fuck him in the ass. If he yells at you to go harder, you can go harder. As you can see, communication is important.

Read related article: The Best Gay Sex Positions

In the end, a gay threesome can be incredibly fun – if you know what kind of setting to create. If you are confident in your sexuality, you should be able to handle a threesome scenario. Some people just can’t handle all the variables involved. However, if you let things flow and you take your time, a gay threesome can be a memorable sexual experience. At the end of the day, gay threesomes don’t happen all the time, so the most important thing is to enjoy it.

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The Top 5 Things First-Timers Should Know About Anal Sex

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Getting ready for anal sex is a little bit like getting ready to drive a car for the first time. The only difference is that there is no training school for anal sex. Also, the only instructor you’ll have teaching you about anal sex is the first guy you’ll be having anal sex with. This is the reason why it can be important to have some ideas about what to expect, because the last thing you want when it comes to anal sex is to be pleasantly surprised.

Read related article: The Secrets of Anal Sex

Here are the top five things first-timers should know about anal sex…

1. It might hurt. If you think about it, the butthole is only so wide and it only opens for special occasions – a special occasion you don’t want happening in bed. So, you have to find a way to make yourself more relaxed. The more open you are – literally open – the better it will feel. However, you can expect some discomfort regardless.

2. You will want to use lube. Lube will be your best friend as a gay man figuring out anal sex for the first time. Lube will help you slip in and out. When it comes to lube, you want to probably use a silicone lubricant, because it will last a long time and it is condom safe. You do not want to use petroleum lubricant, because that can mess with the condom.

3. You may realize that you like being on top rather than the bottom. One thing that a lot of gay men realize when they are getting pounded in the ass is that they would much rather be the one doing the pounding. If this is the case, you want to speak up and make your desires known.

4. Take a shower before you have anal sex. Anything regarding the great brown starfish should involve cleanliness, so make sure that you take a shower. You really want to scrub deep inside your asshole. If you can, take a big shit too. It can help to be clean, but also empty too.

5. It is going to feel good – really good. Besides the pain, anal sex is going to feel really good. So, you want to take a deep breath and let that cock gently slide inside you. As he is going for it and really getting into the groove, you should try and roll with the motions in the ocean. This should help alleviate your nervousness and make your first anal sex experience a good one.

Read related article: Why Anal Sex Kits Rule

In the end, anal sex can be a wild ride, especially for your first time around. All you need to know, though, is that the first time will be a little discomforting, but if you keep your butthole spotless and make sure to slather his cock and your asshole with lube, you’ll be fine. It is anal sex after all – not heart surgery.

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Gay Dating Tips and Tricks

gay dating, tips and tricks, go on a date, gay dating community

The gay dating circuit can seem like a jungle and every time you get in the water, you can either be eaten alive by alligators or you can make it out alive. In the world of gay dating, there are some obvious do’s and don’t. Plus, your objectives should always evolve depending on whether you simply want to get laid or if you actually want to have a companion.

Read related article: Interracial Dating In the Gay World

Here are some gay dating tips and tricks you need to know…

1. Stay away from baggage. Dating a guy with baggage will never be any fun. There are many ways to tell if a guy has baggage or not. For one, you can ask him where he works. If he tells you that he doesn’t have a job, you probably want to move on, because a guy without a job is not someone that you should be wasting your time with. Plus, anyone without a job is probably a little crazy.

2. Always clean up before a date. You never want to go on a date if you haven’t taken a shower and thoroughly cleaned your asshole. You also want to brush your teeth and clean your pits. The last thing you want is to take a guy home and then be in that awkward situation where he wants to eat your asshole, but you have to keep pushing him away. If you cleaned your asshole before, you can let him eat away – bring on the dessert!

3. Never assume he is paying. Just because a guy asks you out, you never want to assume that he is paying for the meal. It will just present one of those awkward situations where you get the bill and you are both staring at it in silence. The most diplomatic thing to do is to grab the bill first. With this swift move of confidence, you’ll have him swooping in with his credit card too.

4. Never have more than one drink on the first date and never have less than four on your third date. This is a little rule I have created for myself that works wonderfully in the gay dating community. I only have one drink on my first date, because I’ll be lubricated enough to chat and be social, but not lubricated enough to fuck and give myself away too soon. With four drinks on the third date – who gives a fuck.

5. Bring a condom. In the gay dating world, it is crazy if you venture out without a condom. This is a little bit like entering a radioactive zone without a mask. Who knows if you’ll need it – but you want to keep a condom or two on you just in case. You don’t want to be in one of those situations where you are fooling around, but have to run ten blocks away to get a condom. By the time you get back, he’ll probably have fallen asleep.

Read related article: How To Find A Date In The Gay World

In the end, gay dating can be fun – provided that you have all the right moves gay dating tricks. Just make sure to know: stay away from emotional baggage, clean your butthole, always whip yours out first (your credit card), never have more than one drink on the first date and always bring a condom. With these wise words, you’ll have a great time.

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5 Tips On How To Be A Happy Bottom

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Being a bottom can sometimes feel like you are a piece of future – a piece of furniture that continually gets pounded in the ass. After a while, this can get really tiring. While he is up there having the time of his life, you are down there like a fallen tree trunk sweating and hoping the experience ends soon. However, there are many ways to make the experience of being a bottom more exciting.

Read related article: Being A Bottom

Here are five tips on how to be a happy bottom…

1. Find a way to pleasure yourself. Being a bottom is perfect, because while his cock is in your ass, your cock is just flopping around. So, you may want to think about jacking yourself off or giving your self a little pleasure while he is doing his thing on top of you.

happy bottom, being a bottom, cock sleeve, gay couples, lubrication

2. Use a cock sleeve. There are tons of different cock sleeves and sheathes that you can use while he is fucking you from behind. You can think of it like a three-way conga line without the third person. Instead of having your cock flap around in the wind, you could be jacking yourself off with a pleasure sleeve until you cum too.

3. Switch up your positions. Most gay couples think the bottom has to be on the bottom and the top has to be on the top – that’s basic gay physics, right? Well, this is actually wrong. Just because you are a “bottom” it doesn’t mean you have to physically be on the bottom. You can actually switch into a cowboy-like position and mix it up.

4. You rule the show. Another misconception is that bottoms are the less dominant ones, but this is a big fat myth. The truth is that the bottom can speak up whenever he wants. If you are sick of him pounding away up there, you can always tell him to slow down. If you want him to speed up, just tell him so. Sometimes you just have to open your mouth and ask for what you want.

5. Use lots of lube. Lubrication is critical as a bottom. Specifically, you want to use silicone lubricant, because this will feel the best and the lubricating power will last the longest. You can think of his cock like a piston and your asshole like an engine – with a little oil, the whole system will work more efficiently.

Read related article: Tips For A Successful Gay Relationship

Lastly, the bottom is a fundamental part of the sexual equation – kind of like the common denominator. Without the bottom, the whole sexual experience wouldn’t be possible, so it’s okay to demand satisfaction. At least Mick Jagger got something right. In the end, the key to being a happy bottom is to figure out what makes you comfortable and then go for it.

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A Few Non-Typical Ways To Meet Guys

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Cruising has gotten such a bad name for itself over the years. I mean, what’s so bad about meeting a guy, having sex with him and then shaking your two sweaty hands together to say goodbye without even know each other’s names? Almost everything under the sun had been said about gay dating. How much more whining can we do? The thing is – for most gay men it is incredibly easy to find hookups, but what if you want to meet a guy that you can spend more than a few nights with? What if you want to meet a nice guy – yeah, I know – and get to know his name for once? I know that getting to know a guy’s name while he is sucking your dick is a luxury, but isn’t that what life is about: being luxurious? As a gay man in the modern world, I know that love might be out there…. lurking just under the surface.

Read related article: Real Dates To Go On With Guys

Here are a few non-typical ways to meet guys…

  1. Go clubbing. No, not night clubbing – we do enough of that. In many major cities and even small communities there are lots of private gay social clubs to attend. This is a great place to meet guys – nice guys – who might be looking for something a little more than a rusty trombone. All you have to do is a little Internet searching and find something in the town you live in. If you live in some kind of podunk, backwards town, it might be harder to find a club that isn’t 5 stories underground in a bunker, but in all cities – no matter how backwards it is politically – you should be able to find your fellow gay brethren. Just have a little hope.
  2. Are you a “giver” or a “receiver”? Hopefully you are the ladder because you can meet a ton of gay guys at local charity events and auctions. What did you think I was talking about? Us gays fucking love, charity and we’ll stand and fight for anything, especially our own kind. If there is a party that is celebrating a cause with a chance that there might be sequins and fur boas, you can bet your bottom dollar that we’ll be there in style. However, the charity auctions – either straight or gay – are great places to meet guys. And because they are charity auctions, the guys usually have a least heart and hopefully a big swinging cock.
  3. Weddings. Yuck, I know, obvious right? What am I thinking? But weddings are a great place to meet other gays and even guys who don’t even know they are gay yet. Here’s the real shocker, though, the more religious the wedding the better. Perhaps it’s all the spirituality, but Jewish weddings, Catholic weddings, Buddhist weddings – anything with an ‘ic, ‘ish’ or ‘ist’ at the end of it – is sure to be a great place to pick up super hot guys.
  4. Next, two words: sweaty pecs. How hot are guys when they are literally drenched in sweat at the gym? This one might sound as obvious as a wedding, but you can really meet cute guys who REALLY care about their bodies at some of these places. My theory is that the more bending there is, the better your chances. So that means yoga, Pilates, and anywhere else you can get your bends on.
  5. I know fag hags get a bad rap too, but they can be a huge source of gay fun. So I recommend tagging along to wherever your fag hag friend goes – college parties (yum frat boys), the ice cream shop, at discount retail shop, the taxidermist – wherever! The key is to broaden your horizons. If you don’t want to spend your life alone or keep having one night stands with slightly chubby 30-something year olds who are in “marketing” it is time to mix it up. If the dating pool is getting smaller and smaller and too full of semen, it is time to find a new pool.

Read related article: Gay Dating Tips and Tricks

At the end of the big gay rainbow there will be a guy waiting for you. He’ll have cute rosy butt cheeks and make your delicious muffins. However, in order to get to your own big gay rainbow, you have to find it first. When you do find it, you’ll realize that it was inside you all along.

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5 Stages Of A Gay Relationship

5 Stages Of A Gay Relationship

Ah, the gay relationship – the great, gay unicorn that only prances in your life once or twice until you start thinking to yourself: “What am I doing!?” It is true, gay relationships seem ridiculous – at least when you are young and there are so many delicious options. Yet, once and a while you might meet a guy and say: “Hey, I’d like to spend everyday with this person.” When it happens, it really happens and there is no way of stopping it – kind of like a runaway train. At first a week goes by, and then a few months – and months turn into a year, and then two years, and five, and six, and so on. Sometimes it happens – sometimes – and it always seems that there are clearly defined stages of every part of the relationship, because gay couples never really expect their relationships to last – especially in the years, especially for a lifetime. But, you have to admit, it is beautiful when it does happens.

Read related article: Tips For A Successful Gay Relationship

Here are the five stages of a gay relationship…

  1. The first year of a gay relationship is like realizing you might be trapped in an elevator with a complete stranger and there is literally no way out. During the first year of the relationship you are trying to figure out how it all works out. You fuck a lot – hoping that somewhere in all the hot, passionate, sweaty sex that there will be an answer. However, after endless fucking, you find nothing – just more questions. But as this happens, you slowly start becoming a couple – a singular unit. You start finishing each other’s sentences. Like zygotes separated at inception you start to see each other in each other’s face. Then you start becoming vulnerable and showing each other everything – the bad and the good. This might just last.
  2. The second year is realizing that you’ve known the answer for months: you are in love and it’s time to make a home together. Who will wear the apron? Who cares, maybe the both of you. You become a power couple. Your shared love and income takes over. You are an unstoppable duo. Nothing is too challenging. Yet, through all this power couple shit, you start to realize that you have been fucking less and now you only “make love” once or twice a week. The honeymoon phase is over and you have no idea how long it’s been since it ended. It’s like waking up in the movie theater and realizing that everyone is gone and the credits are rolling. But just as you realize you’ve missed the ending, you don’t care, because you are happy it’s just you two alone, in the theater – just you two against the whole wide crazy world.
  3. Then the terrible third year comes along. It’s a testy one. You spend many nights on the couch looking at the dark trees swaying outside the window wondering where it all went wrong – did it go wrong? But as you realize this, you realize that maybe your relationship needs a change. Three years is a long time. Enough to grow a mustache over and over again until you realize you aren’t the mustache type. Then you realize you need to be alone for a while. You spend a few weeks apart, but then realize you were meant to be together. You realize that all you were missing is a sense of independence. The co-dependence has gotten to you and your relationship. So, you agree to get back together – only on the terms that “you can be your own people.” Sure, maybe you’ve sucked a few dicks while he was away, but his dick will always taste the sweetest.
  4. When you hit year four, five, six, seven – it’s all the same, but vastly different. You have new experiences, but you are connected with the soul at this point. Even when you are a thousand miles away, your souls are still firmly attached. You know that he will be waiting whenever you come home from work. You know that he will always be there for you. You know that you’ve been through it all. You have the perfect combination of being dependent on each other combined with being able to tell each other that you need a space. You know that when you wake up, his face will be the first thing you see and just imagining that it isn’t is enough to make you sick or cry.
  5. During year 10 and beyond – all the way up to year 20 – you have reached a sense that you have made it to the end of the universe – the very end – the unimaginably distant end of the universe. However, instead of turning back, you are happy to simply float there – holding hands in the pitch blackness of everything. You can imagine the way his lips feel even when he is not there – like feeling that wobbling feeling a few hours after you get off a boat. It’s not bliss – it’s more than bliss. It’s something experienced by only the lucky few. But you feel more than lucky – you feel a feeling that you’ve never felt before: a combination of luck and bliss.

Read related article: Essentials For A Long Distance Gay Relationship

When it comes down to it, you’ll be lucky to find a long-term relationship – one that lasts through the ages. However, when it does come along, you might want to seize it. Maybe the key to romantic happiness is to not scoff at opportunities, but to embrace them.

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