My Favorite Gay Porn Websites

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I wish I had a nickel – scratch that – I wish I had a blowjob for every guy who told me he doesn’t watch gay porn. Bullshit! All guys – yes, gay guys too – watch porn. However, gay porn is a little different than the overly inflated boobies you see in straight porn – gay porn is very gay. There are many gay websites out there and many of them are completely free. If you want some of that premium stuff, you may have to pull out the credit card, but I say it’s worth it.

Read related article: Watching Gay Porn Videos: Good or Bad?

Here are some of my favorite gay porn websites.

Submit Your Dude. I love this this site – not only because it’s free, but also because I love amateur gay porn. The website has everything – from dudes with big dicks masturbating on webcams, black guy threesomes, soldiers fucking in the barracks, and every position imaginable. With this gay site, you will be browsing and stroking your cock for hours.

Red Tube Gay. More free gay porn! I love it. This site is amazing for its variety, but also because the videos are super high quality. With some of the more cam or amateur videos, it can be hard to find a super high quality video that you can jerk it to. Also, sometimes you just want some classic gay porn – not a dose of reality.

X-Tube. Yikes – this is a site for all the gay dudes out there that like to jerk it to something a little more extreme. Have you ever seen a guy anally torture himself with an orange traffic cone before? No? – Well, if you visit X-Tube, you can see all sorts of wild videos like this. You’ll also find some more hardcore BDSM stuff. If you don’t have the stomach for this stuff, you probably want to look elsewhere to get your yanking on.

Porn Hub Gay. Porn Hub has sort of taken the reigns as the dominant free porn website. When it comes down to it, most people know about Porn Hub, but they don’t really know about Porn Hub Gay. Well, if you search “Porn Hub” and then “porn gay websites,” you should be able to find this weird corner of the Porn Hub world. This site is easy to search and you’ll get a great selection of both amateur stuff and hardcore stuff – and everything in between.

Gay Tube. This is another fun gay porn site – the selection is okay, but there are some solid high quality videos. Plus, you can search by “most watched” and “highest rated,” which is usually a pretty good way of weeding out all the bad videos and bringing the cream to the top, so to speak.

Extreme Tube. This is another extreme fetish site and extreme gay sex site – you are going to see some pretty raunchy stuff on here. Amen to you if you can get boner when watching this stuff – I like hardcore sex, but some of the videos on Extreme Tube go really far. I guess the name explains it all.

Porn MD. This is a really unique gay porn site, because it allows you to search for videos and it will bring up a selection from multiple different websites. If you are searching “porn gay” on the search engines and are getting tired of the results, try searching on Porn MD and you’ll get everything you want.

Adam Male. Another one of my all time favorite gay websites is Adam Male. Online, I kept searching “porn gays” and “gay porn” – anything to trick the search engines into bringing up some results. What I have found, though, is that Adam Male has some of the hottest DVDs on the web. I know that DVDs are so yesterday, but they often have really high production quality videos, which I love.

Read related article: Gay Porn Embarrassment

So, if you are out there looking for some gay porn, I recommend trying some of the above sites – there is a good chance that you will find that video you are looking for. I also recommend getting a male masturbator that you can use to get yourself off – oh, and some lube – it will make the experience so much more enjoyable.

Use the coupon code GAYFRAT at checkout to get 50% OFF on almost any single item plus if you spend $20 or more, you’ll get Free Discreet Shipping on your entire order!

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The Secrets of Anal Sex

The Secrets of Anal Sex

There are a lot of myths and rumors about anal sex. Even a lot of gay men – especially those who have just gloriously jumped out of the closet – are confused about the whole butt sex thing. The truth is that there are some gay guys who don’t really get off on having sex. Some don’t even like to go near the butthole. Straight people, of course, think that we gays worship the butthole. As though every day at around four in the afternoon we put down a prayer rug and pray to the butthole. This simply is not true. Yet, there are a lot of gay guys who do enjoy butt sex – they don’t worship it, but they do like it – I mean, it’s really the only insertable natural orifice around our midsection that our kind can enjoy. However, the butthole is a sensitive place – not emotionally, but physically – butt sex can really hurt if it is done wrong. If it is done right, then tie me up and call me Sally, because it can really feel good.

Read related article: The Top 5 Things First-Timers Should Know About Anal Sex

Here are the secrets of anal sex…

Know the butthole – love the butthole. Sometimes just knowing how the butthole operates can offer you a uniquely better anal sex experience. Sure, you know where the butthole is, but do you really know how it works in there? If you think about it, the anus is an extremely tight hole that is full of muscles and nerves that keep it lockjaw tight. You can only put so much in there at once without a big “yelp” or “ouch” coming from your partner – no matter how experienced he is. So, it might be wise to take a flashlight and explore your own anus or pick up an anatomy book. It is smart to know how big it is, how far back it goes and where the lovely prostate is, because that is your golden ticket to pleasure town.

Yes, hygiene is important. You don’t want to go down on a guy if he just finished “letting go” of some nachos he ate five hours earlier. Talk about gross. So, make sure that you are all cleaned up before you get it on with a guy. That means not only scrubbing your taint and around your butthole, but really getting in there and cleaning all the little details. You never know when a guy might dive right in and give you some analingus.

Butthole sex can hurt and pills are bad. You don’t want to take muscle relaxants or other stimulants to make your butthole looser. Most guys think this is the only way to reduce the pain of anal sex and to make it easier for insertion. Yes, anal sex is a little like losing your virginity over and over again, especially if you have a taste for men with enormous dongs. The secret, however, to reducing the pain and making it easier for insertion is to use lube – lots of it. Lube up your asshole and lube up his cock before it goes anywhere near your butthole. Lube up even if you are just playing with the tip.

Use a condom. If you don’t use a condom when you have anal sex, you are basically living in the Middle Ages. Not only is the anus one of the dirtiest parts of your body, it can also be a carrier of a lot of blood-borne diseases. The anus is also full of little nerves and capillaries that might break during sex and if you aren’t wearing a condom, you could get a pretty nasty STD. I know this is gross and you probably just lost your bone, but it’s true. Plus, condoms can make clean up a lot cleaner. You don’t need to worry about all the cum dripping out of your asshole and you don’t need to worry about finding a rag to wipe your man juice off his pectoral muscles.

Read related article: Why Anal Sex Kits Rule

You could call these secrets or tips to anal sex, but you should also follow the above advice if you want to have amazing sex. Knowing what you are doing down there will also make you more confident in bed, which can make sex way hotter. Not to mention, knowing exactly what you are doing and what you like will make it a lot more pleasurable for both, or shall I say all parties.

Use the coupon code GAYFRAT at checkout to get 50% OFF on almost any single item plus if you spend $20 or more, you’ll get Free Discreet Shipping on your entire order!

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When Two Guys Ask You To Blow Them At The Same Time

When Two Guys Ask You To Blow Them At The Same Time

Getting blown by one guy can be hot as hell, especially if he has the bod to match – just watching that perfectly sculpted, chiseled jaw get to work is enough to make me explode just writing this. However, getting blown by two guys can be one of the most enlightening. Imagine that – two hot Middle Eastern dudes in the middle of the desert going down on you in the hot sand?

Read related article: Camping Trip Experimenting

My double blowjob story started off on a rather inconspicuous night…

First of all, I am always horny – always thinking about dick. It’s usually in the context of its entering some orifice of my body. One night I was getting a little bit too horny for my own pants. You ever have one of those nights? Where you just want to walk around with a giant erection hoping it will enter some kind of hole – any kind of hole? Anyways, I decide to go to my local hang out. I usually find a few cute guys there – usually looking for the same thing I’m looking for. That’s what’s so great about the gay lifestyle – if you are feeling a little randy you can easily head down to the local watering hole and find at least someone to sleep with.

However, on this particular night it was completely dead. I wasn’t getting any action at all. I was thinking of heading back to my place when I meet these two guys. Two ridiculously hot guys. One was a model and the other was his friend – who should have been a model as well. They weren’t otter-skinny models either, but totally macho, hairy chest kind of models. Both of these boys couldn’t have been younger than 30, because they didn’t have that unconfident boyish look that can be a turnoff after being on the gay dating circuit for a while. All of a sudden I am chatting up these boys. Low and behold, I actually think they think I’m kind of cute, so my confidence shoots through the roof.

That is when I decided to make the amazing decision to bring them both back to my house. I asked them if they would be interested and they both agreed that my idea was the best idea. So we all pack into a cab and head back to my house. They seemed a little nervous in the car, but that is when I got another confidence injection and put my arms around both of them – I didn’t sit in the middle of the back seat for no reason at all. I also started touching their necks, which is a little bit like an instant way to tame an overly nervous guy.

When we get back to the house, we all head straight for the bedroom. These boys got naked almost immediately. Their bodies were absolutely gorgeous – Adonis style bodies with a golden hue that only the finest tanning booth in all the land can give you. Also, they both had a little patch of light hair on their chests – my favorite. In this instance I didn’t know if we were all going to fuck each other and then fall into a sleeping pile together or what. I didn’t even know if that was what I wanted. Yet, what happened next was even better than what I expected. They both ripped off my pants and told me all they wanted to do was blow me until I shot my wad over both of them. Was this the luckiest day of my life? So I did just that – they blew me nine ways to Sunday and I shot my wad perfectly. I could see the little ropes of my juice tangled in their chest hair. After that we took a shower and then to bed. In the morning I made them both breakfast. After they left I never saw them again.

Read related article: How To Invite Your Guy For A Sex Toy Adventure

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How To Invite Your Guy For A Sex Toy Adventure

Inviting your guy for a sex toy adventure can be a touchy subject ­– sometimes literally. What I’ve found is THAT in the gay world a lot of guys want to use erotic toys to spice up their sex lives, but don’t know how to ask or where to start. I think there are a lot of reasons for this. One of those reasons is that gay guys have this idea that they are already doing something pretty extreme – why add toys to the mix? However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. First of all, it can get way more extreme than you could ever imagine. Ever heard of pony play (google it)? Second of all, sex toys can really add a whole world of pleasure that you could ever imagine. A lot of “normal” people ask how we get pleasure by having butt sex all day. The first thing I tell them is that it’s not all about butt sex, but also blowjobs and fingering and much more. Plus, we guys were blessed with that magic pleasure button – the prostate.

Read related article: Camping Trip Experimenting

Here some ways you can invite your guy for some sex toy fun…

  1. Communication is key. First, talk to him before you bring up the fact that you want to put something inside his butt or that you want him to put something in yours. In fact, communication is the key to any relationship. When it comes to finding a way to bring up the fact that you want to use sex toys in the bedroom, you just have to do it. If you wait around to tell him or get shy, it will never happen. If it takes a shot of tequila to do it, then so be it – but build up the courage enough where you can ask about it with confidence. A gay boyfriend can smell weakness from a mile away and it isn’t coming from the dirty underwear hamper.
  2. Another option is to tell him when you are in bed. This can be a little bit like a safe zone. If you are comfortable with each other to be naked you are comfortable enough to ask each other if you want to use sex toys. What I recommend is that you have a few already on hand to share with him. Having an example ready will speed along the progress. For instance, the Silicon Prostate Probe is an excellent starter toy, because it is unassuming – it doesn’t look like a raging veiny black dildo – and it will feel great. Sometimes when you are trying to broach the subject of using erotic toys it helps to perform a live example.How To Invite Your Guy For A Sex Toy Adventure
  3. There is also the possibility of sexting him until somehow the question pops up. This could be a roundabout way of doing things, but it could work – just think about it. Things are already getting pretty hot and heavy in the text – what can you lose by saying that you want to jam a dildo in his asshole? I mean he could say no or he could just pass it off. Or if he likes the idea then you are totally in. Just go along with it. Ask him what kind of sex toys he likes. Does he like being tied up? Does he want something more gentle? Texts, like the bedroom, are a safe zone too, but mainly because you don’t have to talk or show your face. You’ve just got cold hard letters and words – sometimes numbers too.  Sexting is also just incredibly fun.
  4. Be straight with him – well not completely straight. This is communication, sure, but more stern than anything else. What if your relationship is getting a little cold and uninteresting and you feel like erotic toys are the only way to bring some heat back? This means that it’s time to have “the talk.” Just sit him down when he gets back from the gym, work, smoothie shop and tell him like it is. It might be wise to have a number of sex toys in your arsenal already laid out so that you two can choose together which ones to use. You could even have a number of cards, each with a sexy sexual favor that he can pick out and then incorporate a sex toy into each of them. That can be a great way for a gay couple to get used to the idea of sex toys.
  5. Lastly, if your man is the type of man that needs to be surprised to get into anything he’s never done before or is not comfortable with, you can always surprise him in bed with a toy. No talking, just doing. Having a few bedside tools ready and when you are in the midst of fooling around, just grab one and tell him what to do with it. He might be shocked, but what else can he do in that situation? You kind of put him in the predicament of forcing him to try something, but he’ll only say yes or no. Chances are that he will say yes and then he will actually like it. Score, your plan worked!

Read related article: When Two Guys Ask You To Blow Them At The Same Time

When it comes to introducing sex toys into your relationship with your man, you have to get a little bit creative, especially if it is something you have wanted to do for a while now. Yet, at the end of the day, communication is always key. Chances are that it will be easier than you think.

Get 50% OFF on almost any single item plus Free Discreet Shipping, if you spend $20 or more with AdamMale.com coupon code GAYFRAT!

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First Time Fisting

First Time Fisting

I came to hookup, I ended up fist deep.

The first time I do anything is usually five minutes after it is offered up.

So one particularly lonely night, I was just about to take a seat onto my ‘All American 6.5 Inch Vibrating Dildo,’ when a really cute guy messaged me on Facebook.

Read related article: Sex Etiquette

The conversation went literally as follows:

Him:

Always thought u were super-cute but was in a relationship so I could never say anything.

Me:

Well thanks, thought you were super-cute yourself.

Him:

Oh, thank you, and your post about butts on facebook earlier is so true…

Even though I’m versatile.

*I posted earlier, ‘Even though I am a total bottom, I am such an ass guy’*

Me:

I was actually just getting lube when you chatted me

Lol I was going to have my ‘gentlemen’s time’

Him:

To put in your hand?? Like j/o with?

Come have that with me

Me:

I jack off with lube and other things

Haha

Really?

Him:

I think you’re absolutely adorable J

Me:

I think you are super-cute too J

Him:

I love using toys and stuff lol.

Thanks J

Me:

But being a random, this whole, ‘late night, still sad about-the-ex one night stand thing,’ gets tiring and can be misleading…

*He recently broke up with an ltr*

Him:

Oh well I am not meaning it like that…

So please don’t think that.

Me:

Okay.

Where is this place?

Him:

*HE SENT THE ADDRESS*

Is that anywhere close?

lol

Me:

Its only like twenty minutes away…

Him:

What do u like to do?

Me:

Well what do you hope to do this evening?

Him:

Well honestly i want to be a gentlemen if thats what you would like

Watch a movie

Cuddle lol

I have some pinot noir…

Now if you were in a more sexual mood….

I would lay you down on the floor, kiss your neck, and nibble your ear.

Then slowly kiss my way down to your stomach.

Then gently take your pants off and pleasure you.

Me:

I’m sure we can find some mid-ground.

Him:

Then flip you over and eat your ass out until you’re screaming because you love it so much

Me:

Expect me around 11:30-11:45, is that okay?

Him:

That’s fine with me

So like, do you top any? Or like to play with ass?

Me:

I like to play

Don’t top, but play

Him:

You like to play with ass?

Me:

Yeah, if that’s what you like.

Him:

So trying to open me up with your fingers?

I love, I mean LOVE to have my ass played with.

Me:

For sure J

Him:

Can’t wait to be opened…

So a mere twenty minutes drive later I arrived at this place. It wasn’t his, he was housesitting for friends, but it would do.

I always am very weird about knocking on doors of people I am hooking up with. I am not sure why, I think it is like a mix of fear that their parents will answer, or fear that I am at the wrong place. So I texted him, ‘I’m here.’

He arrived at the door a quick fifteen seconds later and let me into the rather messy, but large house. Iron Man was playing, and wine was out. Pinot Nior, just like he said.

We chatted for a bit, about this, that, and the other. About the people we knew, and the gossip we could trade. He was very cute, like very cute.

Shorter, like I like them, and had a nice ass. He was draping it in basketball shorts this evening, and if anything ever made an ass look good, it is basketball shorts.

Not to mention, if you cop-a-feel, you are a very thin silky material away from actually touching bare, hot ass.

So things got kinda sexual when he mentioned our chat.

‘So what are you into?’ He inquired.

‘I mean, I am open-minded and I like oral… of course. Bottoming is fun too. But I really have no specific fetishes at the moment. What are you into?’

‘I like really love to have my hole-‘ he stopped briefly and laughed.

‘Isn’t is funny how much easier it is to use phrases like ‘my-hole’ when chatting online as opposed to in person.’

Haha, yeah, I don’t think I have ever used the phrase ‘my hole’ in conversation before, so this is a tad bit unusual.’

‘So what do you like to do with your hole? Or like done with your hole?’ I laughed to relieve the discomfort of the exchange of conversation.

‘I love to have my hole-‘ he paused ‘opened up.’

‘You sure you are a top?’ I was a bit worried that I had traveled twenty minutes for nothing. Especially since I was about thirty seconds away from getting fucked by a vibrating dick before this guy chatted me.

‘Yes, I am a top. Well, I am very vers. But I love to have my ass played with. You like to do that?’

‘Yeah.’ I responded.

‘Have you ever fisted someone before?’

Whoa, that took a quick turn in the extreme sense, fast.

I had never fisted anyone before, and if I were to be totally honest, it was something I never planned to do, or be on the either end of that exchange.

However, I have prided myself upon being the kind of guy that never turns down a ‘first’ experience. I had no idea if fisting was something I loved, since I had never done it. This could be my only chance ever to fist anyone before I die.

It was that series of thoughts that inspired my responses throughout the rest of the conversation.

‘Nope.’

‘Like, have you ever wanted to fist someone?’ He asked, clearly unsure of how I was gauging the conversation, or what I was thinking.

‘I mean… I am not opposed to the idea.’

‘So would you fist me?’

‘I don’t see why not.’

I took a step in, and my hand, like it always does, found his already semi-erect penis… And gripped it firmly.

‘So would you fuck me after?’ I whispered into his ear.

‘I don’t see why not.’ He regurgitated my words in such a way that made it more than clear that in a matter of minutes I would be disrobed with a dick inside me, or rather my fist inside him.

So my premonition held true. We made our way up to a guest bedroom upstairs, all the while making out and dry humping each other.

He threw me on the bed, and just as he said he would, he began to ‘bite just a little on my neck.’ After that, true to form, and his word, he ‘slowly kissed his way down my stomach.’

I don’t know at what point my clothes came off, but at this point I noticed nothing was still draped on my body. I was nude, hard, and fucking horny.

He sucked me dick for a bit before coming up for air. To my lips.

We kissed passionately and rolled around until I managed to get him face down and on top of him.

Oh the things I would have done if I were a top…

I started behind his left ear and made my way down to his ass. Kissing every inch or so, as his bum rose in anticipation.

After a bit of rimming, I decided he was ready.

My brave index finger made the plunge. Feeling around as if searching for something, my finger’s curiosity was validated with very loud, and very passionate moans.

 I decided it was time for my middle finger to enter the premises. It was more than welcome, and his hole was more than size accommodating. So I ventured to stick in another, then another.

I had my four fingers submerged into his guy, and he was moaning as though it was the most incredible thing to happen in his young life thus far.

With my hand folded into what I like to refer to as a ‘taco-formation’ I decided to go all in. And all in I went.

The fact that I was inside a human body, feeling around as though it were some sort of hands-on-museum-exhibit, totally outweighed my thoughts of anything else. It was when he looked back and asked me to go further that my head was brought back from the clouds.

I didn’t know much about fisting; I just knew I wanted to avoid hurting him, or killing him.

‘How far?’ I asked, curious and without a clue as to what the answer may be.

‘Just hold still, I will just ride it. Keep your arm firm.’

I obliged, and held my arm as firm as I knew how. I was not going to be a bad fister.

He rode my arm like it was a mechanical bull, and he was determined to win the grand prize. It was not long until my forearm had completely disappeared, submerged inside him. He was at the cusp of my elbow when I had my answer.

That was how far. Now I know.

He rode for a while longer then asked me to ‘lube up both hands and punch in.’

I used my context clues and did exactly as I was told. I pulled out both hands and lubed them up and then began doing an exercise similar to that of a move I saw on a ‘Cardio-DVD-Infomercial.’

You pull back both arms, keeping them elevated at chest height, and with one punch the target… into the target, then back, and the other hand takes a shot.

I burned somewhere around 1000 calories in the ten minutes that he had me do that, and he shot one of the biggest loads I had ever seen in my life. Or even in porn.

He then proceeded to go for another round, and fucked the fuck out of me. Like we are talking… POUNDED ME. Not only was he a top, but also he had some impressive sexual endurance, for a versatile fist-ee.

To my surprise, it was amazingly clean, other than the sheets being a whole new shade of wet, and white, the whole act was ‘porn-perfect.’ And I left knowing that I don’t make a bad fister.

 Yet another skill to add to the resume…

Now, it would be irresponsible for me to not address the issue of fisting from more of a knowledgeable and medical perspective.

Read related article: The Top 5 Things First-Timers Should Know About Anal Sex

Going ‘too far’ or ‘too hard’ while fisting can be very, very dangerous, and even in some cases fatal. So if you do choose to explore this fetish, you must do so with extreme caution and slowly. There is not rush, or contest to see how much you can fit.

The human body is fragile, and the tissue in your anal canal is very thin, and easily ripped. Odds are you have done it before, ripped it that is. It is not as painful as it sounds, and nothing to ashamed of, disgusted about, or even upset about. It is almost an inevitable part of anal penetration, but with this, you do not want to go about penetration too hard, with such a large object.

Use the coupon code GAYFRAT at checkout to get 50% OFF on almost any single item plus if you spend $20 or more, you’ll get Free Discreet Shipping on your entire order!

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To Swallow or Not to Swallow

To Swallow or Not to Swallow

To Swallow or Not to Swallow

Cum: salty, sticky, and sometimes smelly.

Should we really be swallowing this, especially if we do not know the person well, or in some cases at all? This question, as every gay sex question goes, is extraordinarily subjective and will vary from person to person. I can’t say much for my own opinion since I am very split myself. I can however tell you about my stories of spitting and swallowing.

I was blowing my boyfriend of a few months and I could tell it was going really well. His ass was clenched, his stomach was doing that ‘suck in, push out’ thing at an Olympic pace. I was queen of oral sex, and he was getting close to cumming.

Read related article: Biggest Fear

This was probably my fifth blowjob, so in gay terms, I didn’t know shit. I was practically a virgin. I just knew when it came out to be ready, and for the most part that it would taste like a cocktail of salt and bleach. Or what I would imagine bleach would taste like.

‘I’m so close baby.’ Followed by a string of moans and an ‘exorcism-style’ back arch.

I could practically count it down.

Breathing stops: Five

Ass Clenches: Four

Hands grab the bed: Three

Back Arches: Two

Muscles Flex and Pelvis Thrust: One

It shot like my childhood ‘super-soaker’ water gun. Except the by product was opaque, 100 times thicker, and warm. I don’t know why I didn’t swallow, but I simply didn’t. I held it in my mouth like a child with a mouthful of vegetables. I did that smile that you can only do with a full mouth.

‘That was so good.”

MMMMhhhmmmmm.” The only noise I could communicate.

I then made the worst judgment call of my sexual life. I decided I would start with his feet and slowly kiss him all the way up to his mouth. Each kiss, letting out a bit of my ‘boyfriend byproduct’ that had stuffed me like a thanksgiving turkey.

I figured, if I let a very tiny bit out with each kiss, it will not even be noticeable, and I will be off the hook.

I was so fucking wrong. I made about 20 puddles of cum all over his body, and he was anything but pleased.

“Why the fuck are you covering me with cum?”

He was ex-military so when he was mad, it was horrifying. Like I’m talking: bladder-clenching, throat-tightening, hands-in-defense-mode horrifying.

If I were a car, the fuel odometer would read about a quarter full. So I did a nervous gulp and emptied the tank that was my mouth. Shit, improvise!

“I thought it would be hot to get you all messy, so I didn’t have to take a shower alone.”

Fortunately, my cute explanation got me out of a lot of trouble, and possibly a session of ‘angry-sex’ of which I usually enjoyed. You have not been fucked until you have had angry sex with G.I. Joe. It was typically incapacitating.

The next story is even more mortifying, and I would like to let you know that I like you guys so much that I am communicating this dark moment to you. Plus, I don’t want you to ever have to deal with the same problem. Ever…

So same story different guy, I was giving professional head and doing it like it was what I was born to do. My parents would have been so proud, I know.

This was post-starbucks, so I had all my caffeine stored up, and was using it at an exponential pace. My head was a fucking jewishdreidel. Spinning around, tilting I was blowing like for the fucking Olympic Trials.

He was moaning, and like popcorn, the period of silence in between the moans were how you measured the ‘finishing time.’ However, unlike popcorn, it was the increased frequency as opposed to the decreased popping of corn.

Moan, three seconds, moan. Moan, two seconds, moan. Moan, one second moan.

If this were a Disney ride, I would head some animated voice count me right down to the finish.

Moan, pause, pause, moan: Five

Moan, pause, moan, pause: Four

Moan, pause moan, moan: Three

Moan, moan, moan, moan: Two

Muscles Flex and Pelvis Thrust: One

Like the Forth of July the fireworks went off. It was the grand-fucking-finale. And from the flow of fireworks shooting into me, this was one grand, grand-finale. My mouth was so full.

I was about to swallow when the idiot decided to tell me a particularly hilarious joke.  I would communicate it, but it was an inside joke we had cooked up for dinner before this point.

Like a cannon of laughter, I shot his load all over his face: into his eyes, mouth, and about a mile up his nose.

Being a sexpert, even I did not know the right answer for what to do after this. So I did what I was trained to do in any embarrassing moment: fucking get the hell out of there. After a quick sorry, I grabbed my shit and ran into the hallway of his apartment complex hopping like a pogo stick into my skinny jeans.

I was running like this was Texas Fucking Chainsaw Massacre and I was Renée Zellweger. I know it was a bit dramatic, but even my saucy humor and tranquility couldn’t have got me through that. I just prayed that he would not drown from the explosion of cum I had so-accidently shot at him.

Read related article: Sex Etiquette

The moral of the story being, if you are going to swallow, do it fast. Or don’t sleep with someone who is particularly funny, with a knack to break-the-ice-after-oral.

When it comes down to it, be careful. I personally swallow. Unless the guy is ugly or I sense bad hygiene, both of which usually inhibit me from going to bed with them anyway. But, we all have those nights of desperation… so don’t judge me.

Of course you should worry about STD status, but the likelihood of contracting anything-serious via-oral-sex is slim to none. Cum is also a great source of protein, but then again, so are mosquitos. Use judgment, and keep it sexy. Nothing turns me off more than someone running out of bed after I finish to go vomit up cum in the toilet. But if you know a sexy way to ‘spit’ go for it. (That rhymed, I am a poet)

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