He Is Going To Kiss You

HE IS GOING TO KISS YOU. All the empty small talk, sushi, and energy spent pretending you are interested in his dog’s latest trick (not to mention, seconds spent clenching your fists as he corrects your assumption of the dog’s sex, as if it fucking matters) that you have been trudging through he finally going to kiss you.

Hopefully, we have all experienced the first kiss from that ‘new’ guy. And for the unfortunate few of us, have encountered a horrible kisser along the long path of anticipation.

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I often am asked, and ask myself, “Can you fix a bad-kisser?” And I have come to the very indecisive conclusion of, ‘maybe.’

Before you deem this article pointless and futile, read the ‘fine print’ that underlies my ‘maybe.’

It depends on the person. If you think that they would not be open to suggestion, or easily manipulated by your intervening influence, then probably your issue will likely not be resolved. However, if you think that they are genuinely oblivious to their shortcomings, and would be open to suggestion, then give your coaching skills a run for their money.

Coaching might sound a bit awkward, and to an extent, it will be. Thus, it is important to first figure out if this specific protégé is worth the journey that you will be embarking on?

If you can’t decide, try to envision his penis, or your wedding. If you can’t picture either of those, then simply don’t waste your time: there are single, good kissers out there.

However, if you think he is worth your coaching and patience, it is important to know what you are doing.

There are a few approaches to guiding a poor kisser, all while not coming on too aggressively.

If you see him as being the more playful type, try to make it into a game. Make-up some kind of, ‘20 Kisses’ spin off of ‘20 Questions,’ where you each kiss each other in 20 different ways, and then rank each on a 1-10 scale. This not only is a fun way to get the sex-juices flowing, but also a great way to let him know exactly what you like without blatantly emasculating his abilities.

If you deem him a more stern and serious type, yet open to suggestion. It is best to find a euphemistic way to influence and critique his kissing. This can be done by focusing on how much you like kissing him, while bringing up the issue with subtle force, be it if he is a biter or maybe a bit too soft.

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You can always take the lead with kissing like you do dancing, be the first to open your mouth, be the first to change up the style, or even just be on top. The person that moves their mouth the most is in control of the kiss. Now I don’t mean you need to super-speed your mouth, but it is always useful to keep a diverse variety in style and speed of the kiss.

So next time a hot guy with a nice ass kiss you like a dog, don’t give up hope. You know what to do; you know how to fix it. You can have your cake and eat it too. As long as you know what to do- who knows what he will be able to do. Practice makes perfect.

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