How To Have Tons Of Sex In Your Dorm And Not Get Caught

You’re in college; you’re hot and ready to have the time of your life. You’re eager to screw all those hot dudes around campus. That guy you keep seeing eyeing your package at the gym, that hot nerd at the library who nibbles his pencil when you walk by, that footballer who has an ass that just don’t stop—what do all of these guys need? A good dicking down from you my friend. With all those eager men out there, you want to bury your bone in as many dudes as possible, right? There’s just one thing: you live in a dorm with a roommate. Can you say major cockblock? I know you moved out and thought that you’d be hooking up with guys left and right now that you’re mom and dad aren’t around. But, the reality is hooking up with a dude in a dorm is hard. I’ve got some expert tips (trust, I get dick like a pro) to help you make the most of a sticky situation.

First things first, are you out?

Have you come out to your roommate or other guys in your dorm? I’m not judging either way, but there are some aspects to being out that make gay sex easier. If you’re out to your roommate you won’t have to do any explaining if you accidentally get caught boning a guy. He’ll get it and it might be awkward, but it will lessen the shock. I recommend you coming out to your roomie if you feel comfortable enough. You never know, he might be bi-curious. College is the time to experiment! If you haven’t come out yet, that’s okay. You can always just use the friend excuse. Say to your roommate, “This is my friend from Chemistry. We’ve got an exam to study for. Can we have the room for about an hour?” That’ll get the room all freed up for you. Let’s just hope your roommate doesn’t walk in on you two doing the dirty.

See also: How to Kiss a Gay Guy: Gay Kissing Advice

Timing is everything… Schedule some sexy time!

I know us gays like to have spontaneous sex, who doesn’t actually? It’s always way more fun to meet a random guy and hookup. But, if you have the option, scheduling with your roommate actually works out well. Let’s say you find a dude that want to bang your brains out later in the afternoon. Just see if you can arrange to have the dorm room all to yourself. You can be as vague or specific as you want, depending on how close you are with your roomie. Option 1: “I have a friend coming over later. Do you mind if I have the room for a little bit this afternoon?” Option 2: “This guy wants to bang my brains out. I want my brains banged out. Don’t you want me to be happy? Please don’t be around this afternoon.” Okay, so I admit that second option was more of a joke, but you get the point?

Scheduling isn’t just a matter of working this out in advance. It’s a good idea to know your roommate’s class schedule. You can duck into your room while he’s in class and get your ass reamed. He’ll never be the wiser. I do suggest you have a code tho. Which brings me to my next tip.

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All men should have a code.

This one is as old a trick as any. Dorm rooms and other shared spaces are finders-keepers and you and your roommate should understand this. It’s sort of a first-come-first-serve thing. If you have got a hot date and you get that hunk of man meat back to your dorm and your roommate’s not there. You better take advantage. I hang a sock on the outside door handle to let my roommate know I’m gagging on some cock or getting dick, in general. If he sees the sock on the handle, he should know the room is off limits. Be courteous and quick. You don’t want to keep your pal locked out all night. Also, respect his time if you come home to see a sock on the door. He respected your space, now you have to do the same.

See also: Various Types Of Gay Guys You’ll Meet On The Scene

Finally, sneaking as a last resort

If you can avoid bringing a dude over while your roommate’s around you absolutely should. No one wants to hear you getting screwed while their trying to sleep. But, sometime you get a bit drink-y and you just need to fuck. Here’s the best way to sneak in and get a quickie. Take off as much of your clothing in the hall outside your dorm room as possible. If no one is around, strip naked. Bundle your clothes up and quietly open the door. If you’re roommate’s asleep, tiptoe over to the bed and don’t you dare laugh or talk. Gingerly climb into bed and spoon with your dude. No fancy doggy style or raunchy sex is allowed. You’ve got to keep quiet. Unwrap the condom(s) under the blanket and sheets to help muffle any sounds. If you absolutely need lube, be sure to use a lube with a pump, so it won’t make any squirting noises (this is my fav – Swiss Navy Waterbased Lube). Be quick and QUIET. No dirty talk or moaning. No matter how good it feels, do your best to not wake your roommate. You came a ton and you’re hearts begin to normalize. Now, don’t let that dude fall asleep. Kick him out. You can catch up later. Never let a guy stay the night. Dorm rooms are small enough; you don’t need another body taking up space in the morning.

Those are my top tips for hooking up in a dorm room. We all want tons of college sex!

I feel ya. Just be sure to communicate with your roommate and only sneak a guy in while your roommate is asleep, once or twice. It’s not cool. It’s hard enough finding the right time and place to hook up with guys. But, as gay men we have a couple of other obstacles to complicate the situation. I hope I’ve helped you figure out the best way to get your dick wet. Oh and did I mention, you can use these tips for jerking off. Yeah! You can schedule some alone time with your favorite giant dildo or to use your beloved stroker. Just make sure to hide your sex toys from your roomie. You don’t want him getting any ideas 😉 Onward and upward fratters!

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