Alright fratters, I’m getting personal here. One of the hardest things for gay men to navigate is figuring out a guy’s sexuality…
It happens to all of us. You’re in class. You’ve got a crush on the cute guy that smiles and laughs a lot (his cute ass and nice bulge don’t hurt either). You want to pounce on him, but you’re not sure if he’s even gay, bi or curious. Whatever are you to do? I recently had to grapple with this firsthand and I’d like to share my story with you.
Last year, I started class. It was another boring day. I grabbed the syllabus from the professor and then took it to my chair. I stared at the clock over the whiteboard already counting down the minutes for class to end, before it had even started. I slump forward and rest my face on my fist. In walks this fucking hunk. ATTENTION! My body reacted before I could. I sat straight up and my eyes honed in on him like a hawk. He smiled the most devilishly sexy smile to the prof as he grabbed the syllabus. I immediately wanted him to notice me and not see me at all at the same time. He climbed the risers of the classroom; his tight khakis stretched over his handsome thighs and hugged his firm ass. As he made his way up to the row I sat in, he turned. I wanted him to set next to me. Or did I? It was definitely a rush of feelings. He ended up sitting next to a girl he clearly knew. She laughed loudly at something he said. At that moment, I knew they were probably together. Maybe she was his girlfriend. Well, at least I could admire him. A little eye candy is always a plus.
The class ended. I hurried across the riser, ready to get to my next class. Then that stud stood up, just as I was about to pass him, “Oh hi,” he said.
“Hi?” I replied awkwardly, barely able to keep eye contact.
“Aren’t you friends with Chad, Chad Page?”
“Uh, yeah. We used to date,” I said, purposefully outing myself.
“That’s right. He’s a great guy.”
“Yeah, Chad’s fun.”
“I’m Ray,” he said and extended his hand.
“Blake. Nice to meet you.”
“You too. See you around,” Ray said.
“How do I tell if he’s gay? How can you tell if ANYONE is gay? I concluded there was no way to tell…”
He gave a firm handshake that seemed to linger a moment too long. Which seemed odd to me. Wow. Well, that was cool. We had a mutual friend. Maybe I could crowdsource Ray’s sexual orientation! I immediately texted Chad and asked him about Ray. I tried to beat around the bush for a bit and finally asked, if Ray was queer. Chad didn’t know. I spent the better part of my next class on my phone trying to find Ray on social media. He had a private Facebook account and no Twitter handle that I could find. I was stumped.
I spent the next couple of weeks in class scrutinizing Ray; what he wore, what he said, how he spoke, who he spoke to. I’d get hard just looking at him, picturing him naked. It was bordering on obsession, as are most crushes. I stopped going on dates and hooking up with guys, because Ray filled my entire headspace. Blah. I hated. How do I tell if he’s gay? How can you tell if ANYONE is gay? I concluded there was no way to tell. Tight clothes, fit bod, clean cut, loud behavior, over-the-top mannerisms, etc. Are all just stereotypes and tropes. I’d been with enough guys to know that as fact.
I’d just ask him. That’s the only way to tell. I knew it would be inappropriate to do it in class or with anyone around. I wanted the space to be safe for us both. It needed to be public, but not n front of everyone. I invited Ray to a party my (straight) friend was throwing. The conversation went like this:
“Ray, what are you doing the weekend?”
“Hi Blake, nothing really,” Ray replied.
“My friend Sam is throwing a kegger party on Saturday,” I said reeling that he had remembered my name, “Want to come?”
“Yeah, I actually was planning on going already. It’s gonna be a big one,” Ray said with a slight smile.
“Great. I’ll see you there.”
Of course this offered no new clues or insights. It didn’t even leave the possibility for this to be a date. I’d invited him, but he was already going to Sam’s party. Well, at least I knew he’d be there.
Saturday rolled around and you better believe I did my manscaping. On the off chance I’d get the opportunity to take my clothes off with Ray, I wanted to look my best. I shaved and even douched (just in case you’re interested: Ultra Douche). Nothing was going to stop me from getting with Ray if I got the chance. I tapped my toe on the floor of my dorm room. Finally, I waited for it to be a cool hour after the party started before heading to it. I did a smell test and checked my breath. It was going down!
I got to the party and downed two beers as fast as I could. I needed the liquid courage. My heart nearly stopped when I finally say Ray. He was talking with Chad, of all people. I filled my red plastic cup and filled another one to bring over to Ray. ‘You can do this, you can do this, you can do this,” I repeated over and over in my head, my own special gay mantra. I did my best to signal to Chad to leave. I wanted some alone time with Ray. He missed the signal so I made up a little white lie.
“Hey guys,” I said to them.
“Hi Blake, good to see you,” Chad said.
“You too. Chad, Sam’s looking for you. I think he needs your help with ice or something,” I lied.
“I’ll catch you later,” Chad said and stepped away.
“How’s it going?” I asked Ray.
“No complaints,” he replied.
“Oh! I brought you a refill,” I said and handed him the extra cup.
“Thanks man,” he said and took a gulp of it.
“I don’t want to… There’s no easy way for me to ask you this. Do you ever date guys?”
Ray nearly choked on the beer. I saw my life flash in front of my eyes (not really, but I was really embarrassed). Ray wiped his mouth and chin dry and then looked at me with a smile.
“I’m straight. But, I’m really flattered.”
I laughed. I didn’t know what else to do. I must have turned fifty shades of red. I knew my douching had been in vain. I wanted to just turn and walk away.
“That has actually happened to me a couple of times. I think I put off a vibe. But, it always makes me feel good. So thanks,” Ray joked.
“You never can tell. Just thought I’d ask…”
Ray and I talked for the rest of the party. It was fun. I made a friend (albeit a straight one). I ended up going home with Chad that night (douching NOT in vain).
See also: Some Rules On Gay College and Gay Flirting Tips
How to tell if he’s gay? Is one of the most googled questions. I see why. The answer is there is no true “tell.” You have to put yourself out there and ask…
If you find the courage to do it, I think you should. Just make sure you’re in a safe space. Some guys aren’t comfortable in their masculinity and might lash out. You might make a new friend or have the best sex of your life. Who knows? But, the only way you’ll be able to find out is to ask. Even if his profile says “Straight” or “Interested in Women” you should always ask. You might change a life 🙂
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